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Episode 13 – Chris Smith discusses Manhood | Co-Parenting | Grand Parents | Fatherhood

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Episode Summary

In this episode of I AM FATHER, Erv sits down with his friend Chris Smith to talk about parenting, marital affairs, and of course, fatherhood. Like many of I AM FATHER’s episodes, this is one that is deep, profound, and really considers the reality of being a father. Right off the bat, Chris
opens the episode saying that he didn’t realize he was a man until his children were born. Throughout the episode, the two talk about how raising children can change your life, the importance of a conversation on mental health, and the toughest question of all: how to co-parent. This is an episode that is deep but is filled with illuminating insight for all young and experienced fathers.

Key Quotes and Highlights

● Do you think you are a man before you are a father? [1:36]
○ Chris Smith answers the age-old question on the intersection of manhood and fatherhood

● Why you can be a good father but not a good husband [4:30]
○ Guest Chris clarifies on the importance of being both a good father and a good husband at the same time and why it can often be tougher than you think

● What was your mother’s role in your life? [4:54]
○ Chris goes back in time as he gets very personal on what it was like to be raised by his mother and complex relationship with his father

● How does it take a village to raise a kid? [11:16]
○ Both Erv and Chris discuss how many people should be involved to raise a kid because they offer perspective and experience

● How did having your son at 26 affect your fatherhood? [18:23]
○ Chris takes a deep dive into his personal life as he reflect on what it was like to have his first kid in his mid-20s and what his father taught him from being a young parent

● How you become the manual [21:34]
○ Chris explains what it means to be a manual for his kids, how to be a father of an example

● Do you think you could be friends and a father with your kids? [23:56]
○ Chris answers the age-old dilemma on friendship and fatherhood and firmly believes that all parents can and should be both friends and parents

● What is raising a proper man? [26:26]
○ Chris discusses what it’s like to raise a boy into a young man

● How important is it that a father gets respect not only from the kids but in the house? [27:50]
○ Chris and Erv talk about the importance of respect from the children and the importance of respect coming from all over in the house

● How is it that you love your kids differently? [35:28]
○ Chris distinct between what it means to love his two kids and why it’s different

● Is your daughter more like you or more like her mom? [36:15]
○ Chris talks about his relationship to his daughter and how his daughter is more like him than her mother

● Why co-parenting is essential [37:23]
○ Both Erv and Chris discuss on the importance of co-parenting and why it can be harder than it looks

● Do you think the mom could be the mom and the dad? [41:39]
○ Both Erv and Chris talk about how single mothers are great leaders and talk about the role of a father in a single mother

● Do you ever run into situations where your daughter’s mother is leading her down a path that goes against your bar? [46:13]
○ Erv and Chris talk about how the relationship between a mother and a daughter can complicate the role and relationship of a father

● Why the mother’s influence for children under the age of 12 is great [48:32]
○ Chris points out that all children need the maternal affection and connection to their mothers from an early age

● Why it’s important that you handle internal issues before external issues come into play [54:38]
○ On the subject of marriage, Erv and Chris talk about how to approach and mitigate difficult situations in a marriage

● How important is counseling between mom and dad? [55:38]
○ Chris and Erv talk about the stigma surrounding mental health, how to approach it as a couple, and how to approach it as a father

● What tips would you give future and current fathers? [1:01:45]
○ In the classic question, Erv gives his two cents on what fatherhood should be for new and experienced fathers alike

Timestamps of Main Points and Questions

1:36 Do you think you are a man before you are a father?
4:30 Why you can be a good father but not a good husband
4:54 What was your mother’s role in your life?
11:16 How does it take a village to raise a kid?
18:23 How did having your son at 26 affect your fatherhood?
21:34 How you become the manual
23:56 Do you think you could be friends and a father with your kids?
26:26 What is raising a proper man?
27:50 How important is it that a father gets respect not only from the kids but in the house?
35:28 How is it that you love your kids differently?
36:15 Is your daughter more like you or more like her mom?
37:23 Why co-parenting is essential
41:39 Do you think the mom could be the mom and the dad?
46:13 Do you ever run into situations where your daughter’s mother is leading her down a path that goes against your bar?
48:32 Why the mother’s influence for children under the age of 12 is great
54:38 Why it’s important that you handle internal issues before external issues come into play
55.38 How important is counseling between mom and dad?
1:01:45 What tips would you give future and current fathers?

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Episode 29 – The Power of Fatherhood & Mentorship with Marcus Mattox and Gabriel Allen Ervin Sr

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