For Carl Cochran, fatherhood is a series of trials and tribulations – ups and downs – but a ride worth fighting for. In this episode of I AM FATHER, Erv sits down with his friend Carl Cochran to discuss the heart-breaking and emotional moments of being a father. As a father of well-aged boys and girls, Carl knows very well the struggle of being a father and for him, it doesn’t come easy. But the key element of ensuring you are the right father is understanding that there is hope, there is a brighter future, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
For Carl, fatherhood is more than just parenting – it’s a form of brotherhood. As the eldest sibling, Carl has extensive experience in providing for younger siblings, which prepared him well for his role as a parent. From those experiences, he learned about the importance of approaching his children from the same eye-level, talking to them like they are brothers instead of instilling a traditional hierarchical relationship. That means no spoiling and no superfluous generosity as it doesn’t prepare them well for the future and reality that lies ahead for them.
Fatherhood is Like a Brotherhood and Friendship
But his experiences as the eldest sibling were not the only thing that shaped his parenting style – his relationship to his mother and father were key indicators of the legacy he would enact. Carl’s relationship with his mother was essential to his upbringing, as she was a single mother who worked hard for the well-being of her son. At the same time, however, his absent father taught him valuable lessons in presence, hope, and guidance that would translate to the way he brought up his own children. As a result, Carl learned to grasp onto the good qualities of his mother and lessons he learned from his father.
But while Carl’s father wasn’t present, Carl learned to never hold his father accountable, an aspect of fatherhood he seeks to spread to anyone and everyone. By not holding paternal legacies accountable, one releases tensions, animosity, and hard feelings from that relationship.
At the premise of the episode, however, lies Carl’s and Erv’s deep conversation about the struggle of being a father. As a father of different marriages, Carl confesses his hardships in maintaining contact with one child and helping out another. Throughout the episode, Carl also highlights the impact of guilt in a father and a son and how it can deeply impact mental health. Through it all, however, Carl strives for humility and strongly believes humility gives way to freedom and the realization of hope.
At the end of the day, both Erv and Carl recognize that the main goal of a father should always be to instill love in their children and touch their hearts. For both fathers, the most important thing is ensuring that children receive the love from their father that will shape them. Carl strives to touch his children’s hearts through lasting love and in times of hardships, hope gives way to more love.
