For Chris Smith, your manhood isn’t defined until you have kids. In this episode of I AM FATHER, Erv sits
down with his friend Chris Smith for a long-awaited conversation on the perils and beauty of fatherhood.
Like many of I AM FATHER episodes, this is a deep-felt and profound conversation on what it means to be
a present father, your relationship with your spouse, and what you can learn from your own parents.
Virtually unguarded, Erv and Chris invite you into a conversation that is both intimate and universal.
Right from the beginning Chris clarifies how the role of fatherhood has changed him. For him,
fatherhood was an essential rite of passage that forced him to face the reality of his own manhood. For
him, fatherhood was the wakeup call that transformed into the man he is today. So his definition of
fatherhood involves a much more complex approach to the concept of manhood. Throughout the
conversation, Chris draws from his own life experiences growing up as a child of a single mother, always
longing to meet and see his own father. The choices that his mother made and the choices that his father
made, were precedents for the way he approached parenting and fatherhood for his own children. He
reveals what it was like to come to terms with the story of his parents and why he grew up with a single
mother. Now, as a father, he has learned the rights from the wrongs and appreciates the lessons his
parents taught him.
Some of the lessons that Chris has learned is the importance of co-parenting. Seeing his own two
parents as examples and speaking with Erv about the reality and struggle of co-parenting, Chris knows
that it is all in the communication. But most of all, it’s in the service of the children. Erv and Chris make a
point to highlight the importance of servicing the mental and physical health of children when facing the
struggles and perils of co-parenting. Another important lesson that Chris explores is the importance of
establishing a healthy relationship with your kid. By befriending your child, you are opening up the forum
for honesty, trust, and love. Chris makes the point that parents can always be and should be friends with
their children; it facilitates communication, encourages trust, and enables a relationship that is grounded
in love and respect. And when it comes to respect? Both Erv and Chris agree that it should be ever
present in and outside the house – it should be flowing between children, parents, and spouses, no
exceptions.
Lastly, Erv and Chris go deep into the importance of counseling. For them, historically, mental health is a
topic that has been disregarded and brushed away. Both men admit that mental health deserves
authentic attention and counseling is a way to bring about clarity and peace into your life. Whether it’s
between spouses, as a young person, or even as a grown adult, counseling and therapy make way for a
stronger and healthier fatherhood.
